Not A Better Person

Grieving is a hard process to go through and the experience is different for everyone. I'm learning that it doesn't make me a better person, but I should probably forgive myself for that. Still going through it. 

Thanks for reading.

[4-panel comic of a girl with a braid, experiencing unexpected symptoms of grief. First, that "patience is thin." In panel 2, "compassion is low" and she twitches in irritation. In panel 3, "willpower is GONE" and she is inhaling cookies and snacks like a crazed muppet. Panel 4 zooms out and girl is shown talking to a neutral elephant, back to her, but head turned. Speech bubble reads: "I'm disappointed to learn that I'm not a better, kinder person in grief." The elephant responds, "I forgive you...but maybe let's practice some social distancing for a bit."]

Central Park Double Rainbow

Double rainbows really ARE amazing to see. 

I was running in the park yesterday when I looked up and saw it, just as I was passing the fountain. It only lasted a few more minutes before it faded into the clouds. I didn't have my phone on me, so I had to try to draw it. 

Blessings abound. Thanks for reading. 

[4-panel full-color wordless comic of a girl with a braid jogging in Central Park, as it's starting to rain. Next panel in sequence, she is shown hunched with a scowl as the rain falls. Another beat and she looks upward again with surprise. Final panel splash, she has come to a halt in front of the Bethesda Fountain, at sundown,  sky lit up in golden hues and the arc of a double rainbow brushed across the last sunlight coming through the clouds.]

--

Update: This is a new version of the comic! I learned from my friend, cartoonist and author Brian Fies, that I got the rainbows backwards on my first try. (I drew them as identical rainbows.) The colors of the outer rainbow are a mirror of the inner rainbow because sunlight makes one more reflection inside the drop of rain, which is also why the outer rainbow is lighter, since light loses intensity with every reflection. Grateful to Brian for the correction! Here is the updated drawing:

October in New York

Sorry I haven't been posting new comics. Someone important to me died and it has left a hole in my heart. Taking time to grieve and remember. 

Thanks for reading. 

Additional note: A friend of mine just commented, saying that cardinals have some symbolism, which I didn't know when I drew this. I had just seen one and put it in the comic. I just googled cardinal symbolism and found this: "They say the vibrant red bird is an uplifting, happy sign that those we have lost will live forever, so long as we keep their memory alive in our hearts. As cardinals sing their pleasant song, people may recall cherished memories of better times. The beautiful birds are a reminder that  loved ones will never truly be forgotten."

[4-panel diary comic of a girl with a bun leaning against a tree, grieving the loss of a friend. "I lost a dear friend...and it hurts a lot." Panel 2 is a rough sketch of a Central Park path under a crescent moon with a cityscape in the background, drawn from memory. Text reads: "Time is so short." Panel 2 shows a cardinal bird sitting on a branch. Text reads: "Let me love and cherish every moment." Panel 4 zooms back in to the girl leaning against a tree: "It's all that matters."]

Long Live Artists

Trying to be kinder and gentler to myself, as a cartoonist who wants to keep making comics.

This is episode 20 of my weekly webcomic series about the creative process! 

Check out → tinyview.com/connie for new comics every Wednesday on the Tinyview app.

Thanks for following / liking / sharing on Tinyview — all of it helps keep the lights on and food on the table. 

Squid Game Nightmare

If you haven't heard of it, "Squid Game" is a new Korean survival drama that has become a mega hit on Netflix worldwide. 

It looks so good that I had an elaborate nightmare just from seeing the previews. 

I can usually lucid dream my way out of intense nightmares, but I couldn't escape this one! Anybody else??

Thanks for reading. Connie on Ko-fi

[4-panel comic of a girl recounting a nightmare she had after watching a preview of a survival k-drama. Panel 1 shows her sprawled on a bed. Caption reads: "I had a nightmare I couldn't wake up from this morning." Panels 2 and 3 show a character crouched tightly in fear and then running from imminent danger. Text: "It felt like being trapped in a psycho-thriller movie. Danger everywhere and every escape attempt foiled by an unseen force." Last panel cuts to present with a caption that reads: "This is why I can't watch 'Squid Game.'" Elephant appears and says sternly, "Don't...do it" while girl coos at a laptop screen, "Oooh, but it looks so good."]

Sketchbook: Morning Cup of YOLO

Okay, okay, I'm up :)

Also, work is now my YOLO, so it's all good :)

Thanks for the support on Ko-fi, it means a lot.

[Single-panel comic of a girl with a brain and a hot cup of tea, in a sweater, fluffy slippers, looking not quite woken up. Text caption pointing at mug: "Morning cup of YOLO." Thought bubbles: "Wake up" and "Get to work." Heading: "ADULTHOOD."]

Very Natural Pep

I don't half-ass anything (though results may vary).

Have a good weekend and thanks for reading. Connie on Ko-fi

[2-panel comic of a girl with a braid, pondering: "What if I tried to be a peppier person??" In panel 2, she holds up a small mirror and shouts at it emphatically. "Hey!" "DON'T BE SAD!!" "YOLO, amirite?!!" Comic titled: "Very Natural Pep"]

Life Goals Plus Depression

Life is full of jokes that write themselves. 

Happy mid-week. Connie on Ko-fi

[Two-panel comic of a short girl with a bun, shackled to a ball-and-chain weight around her ankle. Panel 1 caption reads: "So hard to chase life goals with depression..." In panel 2, she has a carrot dangling in front of her and is strenuously dragging the weight along. Text reads: "And yet -- life goals are also what keep me going."]

Mooncake Holiday Rituals

Wishing everyone a happy Mid-Autumn Festival, a season of plenty and gathering together. 

For the lonely and struggling, may you feel seen and loved. Have some mooncake. This is an unnecessarily long pandemic, but I hope there are clarifying moments of grace for everyone. 

Thanks for reading. Connie on Ko-fi

[5-panel comic about Mid-Autumn Festival and mooncake rituals]

Panel 1, full color, shows a lonely girl, wearing a mask, looking at a bright moon over a Central Park cityscape. Text reads: "It's almost Mid-Autumn Festival, a major lunar holiday, celebrated in parts of Asia to mark the harvest season, a time of plenty before the winter months."

Panel 2 is a flashback in grayscale, in which there are two figures comically fighting over gift-giving in the form of boxed mooncakes. Text: I used to think the competitive gift-giving rituals of mooncake exchange were over-the-top..."

Panel 3, text continued, "...but the older I get, the more I miss the shenanigans of having people to share mooncakes with." Shows a solitary figure, standing next to a tree, in an empty park, in full color. 

Panel 4 is another grayscale flashback of people eating wedges of mooncake and drinking tea at a holiday gathering. Text: "This has been harder to come by in pandemic times."

Panel 5 mirrors the first full-color panel of the lonely girl, present day, looking at the moon over a city backdrop. Final panel text reads: "At least there's still the moon."

Single Introvert Energy

I wish I had more social energy to spend. Even when I feel lonely, there's a limited supply.

Hope everyone gets a chance to recharge over the weekend. 

Thanks for reading and supporting

[3-panel comic about recharging introvert energy. Panel 1 shows a zombie-eyed girl with a bun and a low battery icon hovering over her, thinking "uh-oh." Panel 2 has her hunched over, yet walking with purpose: "Must hurry." In panel 3, she is lying on her side, plugged awkwardly into an electrical outlet. Thought bubble: "You know...I bet this is why I'm single."]

Friend Therapy

I've been struggling with some lows lately and my good friend, Waj, a busy dad of three, gave me a single-text therapy session, which inspired today's comic.

Everybody I know is very, very tired. I think we can acknowledge that things are still not easy. 

Take extra care and thanks for reading. Connie on Ko-fi

[3-panel comic of a tired, sad girl with a bun, curled on a couch, phone in hand. Panel 1 text reads, "Me to friend: ugh...I don't know what's wrong with me :(" Panel 2 text shows an "immediate response." Girl sits up, looks at her phone: "pandemic + nyc + single = no joke". Girl sits upright in panel 3 and says, "That is SURPRISINGLY validating." Comic titled "Friend Therapy."]

Extremely Sensitive Person

I should make this my dating profile ;)

Loosely drawn idea, straight from my sketchbook. I've been playing around with how quickly I can express an idea, without being too fussy about details. 

Thanks for following the journey! Connie on Ko-fi

[Two-panel comic of a cartoon girl with a scribbly bun, reflecting on her personality type. In panel 1, she says, "Somehow I manage to be...extremely sensitive...and very clueless at the exact same time." Panel two, beat: "I don't know how I do it either."] 

Crying Is A Natural Painkiller

This week, I learned that the tears we cry have a different chemical make-up. (For example, onion tears are different from sad tears.) They also look different under a microscope, depending on why we cried them (i.e., tears of laughter are distinct from tears of grief). 

The biggest news to me is that tears can be natural painkillers. I used to not cry much; now, I cry more and I think this is better. Our bodies are kind of amazing. 

Thanks for reading

[Two-panel comic of a girl with a braid looking at her phone, saying that she "just learned that...when we cry emotional tears, they contain a neurotransmitter that can act as a natural painkiller." In panel 2, she walks off with some pep in her step, turning to tell a lounging elephant, "Well, then! I'd say that's reason enough for me to keep watching k-dramas!" Elephant thought bubble reads: "Oh dear..."]

Sketchbook: Pandemic Lonely Days

Slice of life diary comic from my sketchbook. 

Bless all the dogs in New York City that notice I exist :)

Thanks for reading

[Single-panel illustration of a girl with a bun walking passed a dog on a leash in Central Park, who acknowledges her with a "woof." She responds with a "hullo." Caption reads, "These days, nobody notices I exist, except for the occasional, extroverted dog, in passing." Titled: "Pandemic Lonely Days"]

Mental Mordor

This is what it's like in my head, but don't worry, I'm working it out in therapy :)

Thanks for reading and supporting.

[3-panel comic in which a girl with a bun explains, "If you knew me in real life...I might not appear depressed you." In panel 2, she goes on to say, "I smile often and try to be cheerful around other people...and I can get a lot done." She is smiling but tired expression on her face. In panel 3, she is super upbeat and more animated, against a dramatically rendered background, depicting an uninhabitable, high fantasy hellscape, with a volcano erupting and dark stormy clouds swirling. Speech bubble: "- but inside my brain, it's like 'Mordor' from Lord of the Rings." Comic titled "Mental Mordor."]

Dateable Universe

For my fellow singles, happy Friday. Thanks for reading :)

Connie on Ko-fi

[Two-panel comic of a girl with a braid, musing wide-eyed, "I wonder...if there's one corner of the known universe...where I would be considered dateable??" Panel two shows girl walking off the comic with a deadpan expression: "-- because it sure isn't New York." Girl is followed by Elephant who asks conversationally, "So what k-drama are we watching tonight?"]

Hello, Climate Change...

No jokes today. I'm just noting what's happening around me -- it's bigger than we are. Bigger storms, longer fire seasons, and shrinking human rights.

Thanks for reading along.

[3-panel comic of a girl with a bun reading the news on her phone. Panel 1 shows her slightly stunned expression at being swept away in a deluge of torrential rain. Panel shows her dismayed at the news with an image of justice scales that are off-balance. Text reads: "Hello, climate change...goodbye, reproductive rights." An elephant appears in the final panel with a question mark. The girl turns her head, explains that it's "just today's headlines."] 

Relatable Penguin

What's more relatable than a lonely arctic penguin on a small raft of melting ice? Penguins pair-bond for life, unless you're me. 

Just-for-fun comic for the middle of the week. 

Thanks for reading

[Two-panel comic showing a solitary emperor penguin standing on melting ice. Panel 1 caption says, "Lonely penguin just wants to pair-bond." Panel 2 shows a girl with a braid in the same posture as the penguin, also standing forlorn on a piece of ice. Thought bubble reads: "Ugh, too relatable."]

My Body Doesn't Lie, But Sometimes It's A Jerk

Every now and then, my body reminds me that I need to deal with emotional aches and pains. 

I did some yoga stretch-ies and journaling. Thankfully, feeling some relief today.

Take good care and thanks for reading. 

[3-panel comic of a girl with a bun, drawing at a desk. Text reads: "When I feel anxious and I don't know what to do about it, I tend to just keep working." In panel 2, she arches her back in pain and says "owie." Text reads: "But then, my body will remind me that I'm not dealing with my emotions." Panel 3, she walks off, holding her aching back, scowling: "As usual, my body is a real jerk." Titled "My body doesn't life, but sometimes it's a jerk."]

Musical Pick-Me-Up

How it's going, late summer edition:

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading.

[Two-panel comic of a girl with a braid and pink headphones on, dancing awkwardly to music. Panel 1 text: "Me, listening to peppy pop music to cheer myself up and keep from sinking into depresh mode." Panel 2 shows her still dancing with a determined look on her face, between a work desk and chair. Text reads, "Also me: getting in daily steps without ever leaving my desk."]

Potential Wisdom

If only we had more wisdom...

Thanks for reading and supporting.

[3-panel of a girl with a messy bun, lamenting about the state of humanity: "We had sooo much potential..." Panel 2: "Oopsie! Not enough wisdom." Panel 3 shows the same girl, smaller, panned out, with an arrow pointed at her head: "Specimen of idiot."]