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(An Illustrated Status Message a Day)

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Single Girl, Natural Selection Reject

Oh, New York: you make me feel like a natural...

...selection reject.

18 comments:

carrieofcanada said...

*sigh* I know just what you mean.

Dor Ben-dayan said...

yep. I used to think it's a matter of looks, or height, or personality, or passion.
it appears it's the sum of all. and some just carry the right combination. bah.

Lauren G. said...

there's definitely someone(s) out there for you, but imo the problem is that a lot of people are jaded and therefore are not open to a real connection. i don't know you but your cartoons are so awesome im sure if you found that actually alive person, s/he would sweep you off your feet :)

Rachel AB said...

Being "left behind" hurts... I find it interesting, though, how much this cartoon resonates with me: So I am not alone in my aloneness? Hmm...

I also try to remind myself when I feel lonely that there's another natural selection going on: I naturally selected to stay single because there are so many other things that are higher priority for me than being coupled...

Robit said...

I've noticed that your colors are starting to become pretty vibrant, against the usual sepia-tone scheme you've been using since I started reading. Is it a change to reflect the change in seasons? Since it's relatively warmer nowadays?

Connie Sun said...

Thanks, everyone! Robit, I'm pushing myself to learn color, so I'm experimenting. Could be seasonal, but also whatever I can pull off on any given day.

Robit said...

I can dig it! It says a lot of the individual willing to push that envelope to broaden their capabilities. That, and it looks dope!

Karen Marie Little said...

Goodness, I never thought about the natural selection view of my dating life. I think that Lauren is right but I think it is just a segment of society that we are in. I have seen rich and beautiful find love and the poor and not beautiful and all the combinations find love but there is a segment of us who can not.

Connie, I hope you and the rest of us find love.

:) God Bless.

Rachel AB said...

Love is not restricted to romantic love - unless we buy into the cultural myth that we can only be happy and complete when we're coupled. Although it's challenging in a couple-obsessed culture, I've found it very rewarding to open myself up to all the love that's out there. Barbara Fredrickson's idea of micro-moments of love is helping a lot with that: Whenever we're open to a deep connection with another, including strangers, we can experience - at a physical level - love. It's pretty empowering!

Karen Marie Little said...

There are many types of love but, often a person finds themselves like Richard Gere at the end of "Officer and a Gentleman". The scene after they have graduated and there is no one there waiting for him. You look around and all there are is couples and you find yourself so alone. I am trying to deny that your types of diverse love exist, but there are the good days and the bad days and for many of us, you just wish there was another soul there to experience them with you. Just someone lift you up on their shoulders when you are victorious and to lift you up when you have been knocked to the ground in defeat. Freud said that the cornerstones of us being humans is love and work. I feel that one on one love is what many of us are searching and striving for.

It's easy to say that it is "cultural myth" but, harder to accept it as a myth when you are surrounded by those who have achieved it. On this subject, I think many just want a taste of that myth.

Peace

Karen Marie Little said...

Whoops .... "not trying to deny"

:) ..my bad.

Rachel AB said...

It's a myth because so many of us have experienced the most profound loneliness when we were coupled... The way we seek love is culturally driven. Just 200 years ago, friendships, especially same-gender friendships, were much more important than marriage. The soul mate myth is a fairly recent development...

It's the idea that there is someone out there that will make our loneliness go away - instead of creating a life we enjoy, which may or may not include a partner.

And I also totally get feeling lonely when we're surrounded by couples or when our friends are "too busy" to hang out. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers...

Karen Marie Little said...

"Were coupled"? Part of me wants to laugh and part of me wants to roll up into a ball and cry.

I guess it comes down to this Rachel. If you have been "coupled" in the past, then you should be thankful that you were able to experience such. For a part of society, some of us have never had such an experience....ever. All of us know that there are bad relationships. I doubt anyone believes that all couples stay happily together in bliss. The problem is that for every one, such as yourself, who calls it a myth there are a ten fold abundance, of those who it is not a myth. I feel that if all relationships were like Charlie Sheen's then yes, I feel your point might be valid. Saying that loving relationships are "myths" are saying that all relationships from Barack and Michelle to G.W. Bush and Laura are fake. Just because someone falls into love and then out of love, with a person, does not mean that the love never existed.

Also, loving relationships, or soul mates and marriage does not have to go hand in hand. Goldie Hawn has been with Kurt Russell for decades. She said that he was her soul mate and they do not need to get married.

Also, since marriage or wedlock existed in the times of Greeks and Romans and even Martin Luther spoke on the issues of marriage during reformation. Ancient China also spoke of marriage BC, so I would confirm your "Just 200 years ago" statement.

I will agree that there are no easy answers but declaring that views that differ from yours are "myths", is not helping. If it helps and works for you, then God bless. Since it appears that you have had an relationship before than I would beg your forgiveness if I or anyone else who has never had one... at least try it once before we die.

Because your myth has too many examples of its presence.

Peace

Karen Marie

Rachel AB said...

Ay! It sounds like you're in a tremendous amount of pain, Karen Marie! And I've been trying to provide a way to look at things differently in the hopes to ease some of that pain, which can happen when we change perspective.

I did not say that loving relationships are a myth. What I said is that the idea that we can only be happy and complete when coupled is a myth.

So is the idea that a loving relationship has to take the form of a coupled relationship. I am in a loving relationship right now. Except that it's not the kind that (I am guessing) you are thinking about. You and others might call it "just a friendship." Imo, that's part of the issue: We're down-grading friendships. Not investing the time and energy into them because we're too busy waiting for the "right kind" of relationship.

Also, I did not say that marriage hasn't been around. It has, of course. However, how marriage is defined, including its role in society has dramatically changed. Stephanie Coontz, a historian, has documented that in her book "Marriage, A History." The notion of marrying for love is a very new one (about 200 yrs).

Karen Marie Little said...

Funny, in reading your post you have painted the picture of a person who had been in a "couples" relationship, it failed, and now you have found something else. Which is totally cool but you desperately continue to use terminology not to say that what you have is great but to say what others have and/or desire to have is a "myth". I do think that a part of you may be in pain but, mostly it sounds like simple "sour grapes".

I would challenge your belief with simple DeCartes or even Jungian philosophy in that what each of us wants maybe different but, each lives and dies by what they desire or want. As much as you find balance within your life by not being in a "couples" relationship, could not the opposite be also true for another?

You said the definition of "soul mate" is less than 200 years old. Since writers going all the way back to Shakespeare, who died almost 400 years ago and many writers before him, the concept of a one true love goes back further than your stated 200 years. Goodness, even in the writings of early settlers and slaves, words of marrying for love existed.

So, while Stephanie belief is what you see as just and right, I will counter with Shakespeare a bit of Voltaire and even a bit of Cinderella.

The question is which term are you having issues with, soul-mate, couples, or marriage? Or is it all of the above? :)

I am happy to hear that you have found balance but no one philosophy can bring balance to all people. Basic philosophy.

Peace

Rachel AB said...

Yes, I agree with you that there is not one way to live, Karen Marie. That is exactly my point! There is not one way to happiness. There is not one way to find love. There is not one way to be in a relationship. That there is only one way is the myth I've been writing about...

And please don't misinterpret what I write - and then argue against your misinterpretation... In philosophy, that's called a straw man fallacy. You did that again by claiming that I said that the soul mate idea is new. I did not say that. I said how we *define* marriage is new - and cited Stephanie Coontz' work.

May you - and everybody else - find happiness in ways that are nourishing to you.

Karen Marie Little said...

The fallacy defense, classic. Gotta love when people fall back on those.

Sadly, I was wondering which you were going to settle on. Marriage, the concept of soulmate, or couples. Around noon your statement of "myth" was to soul-mates. In fact it was you who not only brought up the term marriage, but then "downgrading"the same institution. The same "downgrading" which you later decried was being done to your concept friendships. If you are offering an alternative then please dear goodness be willing to offer examples to back up your views. Telling us to go to a another person's book, for validation, is a bit meaningless. It just means that you hope that we drink the same kool-aid that you did and be swayed. It is how cults begin and most in society need a bit more to make that leap.

See, I work with patients. Sometimes, they are terminal and I have seen wives and husbands, straight and gay going the distance until the end. Sadly, not many friends I have seen demonstrate such. They visit, and even some are there at the end, but it is something that I feel we as a society have not seen outside of a "couples" relationship.


I hope thee well also. I still feel that you are promoting by downgrading, because you fail to offer an examples of an alternative.

Peace

Karen Marie

Connie Sun said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, ladies. Your personal experiences are valid and valuable and human. Sometimes I feel like we're all just coping. Which is totally okay. Other times, I'm lucky to get a little bit of grace, relief, a laugh, or just a cartoon out of it. All part of the journey. :)